Notebook (page 1 of 2)

This is what I’m working on. The “in a blue heap” is from Yevtushenko’s poem Waiting (in translation).


Sometimes I see a copy of a book I own, and stare at it for a moment, both comforted and lost. I rarely take them out – it’s like meeting someone who is no longer in love with you. Slide one from the shelf in greeting, turn a few pages, notice a new jacket and how age and distance have


& occasionally I find one of your books in there. Once at some bright evening I watched a quiet moth leave through an open sash window, into a night of rain and streetlight, unseen by anyone but you

This is what I am working on.

from Self Portrait (after Francis Bacon):

movingly associative snail

an intestinal grey smudging my face

and telling you my incomprehensible symptoms

This is what I am working on:

I talk about you in the first person

The problem, and the reason I say I am not sure of what to make of the fact, is that the terms are lacking to describe it; nothing is less adequate than the terms I have made up to this point, with references to life and literature, words and barbiturates, writing and traveling, and so on.

– David Wills, Prosthesis (1995: 268)

indivisible, as if there is no passage between
the child that squatted here throwing

skeleton leaves into the eddy
and me standing braced against the black rock, staring into
the water and loving the water as if it is the water that I am like and not the stones,
those small stones shoved over one over one
another and stroked into sand in the end.

This is what I am working on:

A vague and silent music stops. And it’s clear you’ve had your heart bro- -ken like a record

infinity, axiom of an axiom in set theory which lays down a condition that ensures that the domain of the theory contains a set with infinitely many members. 

– Thomas Mautner, Penguin Dictionary of Philosophy (London: Penguin, 2005)

What I am working on

In this thirsting night
My bed is a boat, the cat
a smooth black anchor
stone. Adrift under
malevolent stars.

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